Therapy...

...Yeah, I'm in therapy. I've been seeing a therapist on and off for about a year now. I think everybody can use a little tune-up in the brain now and then. I can spend all the time and money I want on new clothes, beauty products, and more, but if I don't address what's going on inside, it is all for naught. I've been through a lot; more than some people would believe for my meager 29 years on this earth. And it has taken it's toll. I'm working hard to fix a lot of damage and it's not easy to do.

So, today my therapist asked me to try to find the things my past relationships all have in common. I was stumped. I mean, my exes are about as different as anything could be. They are a melting pot of diversity. They are Irish, Trinidadian, European, Christian, Catholic, Muslim...the list goes on (no, I don't discriminate, do I?!).

But you see, I'm starting to think that may be part of the problem. I have always been an open and loving person. I've found it fairly easy to make friends and I tend to fully immerse myself in them. I give the very best of myself and my expectation is to get it back. I've lived under the assumption that people are good and that they wouldn't want to be my friend if they were up to no good, right? WRONG!

People can be evil. And sometimes it's for no other reason than they just are. I've struggled to accept that fact my entire life. But, I think I finally get it. I fell in love with my ex-husband in the matter of a week. Literally, one week we were friends, the next we were madly, deeply, soul-stirringly in love! It was wonderful...until it wasn't. I got to know him and the deeper we went, the louder the warning bells became. I simply put in ear plugs and plowed through.

I repeated this practice with two relationships after my marriage. The first was a witty and funny guy that I thought was the exact opposite of my ex. The next was a charismatic, family man who said he knew who he was and what he wanted. Now, they both had their own issues but the main thing they all had in common was simple:

I didn't pick them. I just let them happen to me.

All of these men walked into my life and I wasted no time going too deep, too quickly with them. I didn't vet them to make sure they were "safe". I didn't make sure they could be trusted with my love and dedication. I didn't stop to even consider if I really even cared for them. I was just so happy that someone, anyone wanted me. I didn't have the self-esteem to know any better. And that, my friends was the problem. As my sister said, they might be a good person, but that doesn't mean they were a good person for me.

What I've learned is that not every person that walks into your life is meant for you. Sometimes people will stumble onto your path accidentally on their merry way to wherever it is they're headed. They weren't meant to be there. Your paths just intersected for the briefest of moments. If you're smart, you'll acknowledge their existence. Maybe you'll even share a smile or a few laughs. But you must then bid them on their way.

I didn't do that. I grabbed onto the first guy on the path and forced him to walk my path. A path that wasn't meant for them. And if I stopped and thought about was too hard and rocky to be right.

When all is said and done I have this lesson to share:

Never let a man "just happen" to you. Pick him.

Gigi xo